Happy Mother’s Day!

May 7, 2016

The following status is based on actual events. Names have been withheld to protect the guilty & please feel free to add your own in the comments. We’re all in this together:

If you’ve ever accidentally left kids at the church building, you might be a mother.

If you’ve ever choked down food prepared by young children, you might be a mother.

If you’ve ever cleaned the house only to find it destroyed within 2 minutes, you might be a mother.

If you’ve ever had to tell a soaking wet individual that the next time they jump into the baptistery better be when they’re getting baptized, you might be a mother.

If your favorite cat has ever been shaved to look like a ridiculous lion, you might be a mother.

If you’ve ever hid in a locked pantry to eat Hostess cupcakes or chocolate of any kind, you might be a mother.

If you’ve ever worn clothes that are mismatched, stained with spit up or completely out of style but just glad you had time to actually get dressed, you might be a mother.

If you’ve ever spied on or tracked down a child so well the CIA would be impressed, you might be a mother.

If you’ve forgotten what it’s like to sleep all night, you might be a mother.

If you’ve ever taught teenagers to drive and were pretty sure you were going to eat a guardrail, you might be a mother.

If you’ve ever had flowers brought to you while you were standing in line at a funeral visitation, you might be a mother.

If you’ve ever had to explain why we don’t pick flowers at a funeral home, you might be a mother.

If you’ve ever dug Legos out of a stopped up toilet, you might be a dad (seriously, that’s too disgusting, people).

If your new vacuum has ever been used to clean up beef stew, you might be a mother.

If mattresses have been used to surf down stairs in your house, you might be a mother.

If you’re amazed at how much you love the people who have made you crazy (but sane is boring & overrated, right?) you might be a mother.

Go have a great, wonderful, happy Mother’s Day!mothers day

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